familyfriendlyurl: son id love to hang your artwork on the fridge but theres only one spot left and im going to hang this sweet drawing of a skeleton i did today at work there, when your my age youl have your own set of appliances to hang art on and by then your art wont look like a fucking 5 year old did it
andivictoria: WHAT IF YOU FOUND OUT EVERYONE ON EARTH HAD A TONGUE IN THEIR BUTTHOLE EXCEPT FOR YOU
niallhortonhearsawho: a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
thearchangeltrickster: Watching people eat Hannibal’s cooking:
sendificator: BUT LIKE REMEMBER WHEN M.I.A. FLIPPED THE BIRD AT THE SUPER BOWL AND PEOPLE CALLED HER DIRTY AND TRASHY AND NOW JENN LAWRENCE FLIPS THE BIRD AT THE OSCARS AND SUDDENLY ITS A QUIRKY CUTE AWKWARD THING TO DO WOW #WHITEHISTORYCLASSES
sexualfavours: i cannot believe this happened on UK tv
slenclerman: what if your stomach moaned when you were kinda hungry and when you were really hungry it would get louder and louder until it was just constantly screaming
dampsandwich: houston we have a problem. im not an astronaut and i got on the wrong plane
msjewbooty: pass me the glue and the macaroni. this surgery is taking a turn for the worst
starllex: josenagel: protip: before he climaxes punch him in his peepee to ensure a wild orgasm! please dont do this
thewaywardfox: protip: if you cant remember someones name, just call them “old sport”
if i had a penis i would probably put cute stickers all over it
bradfordbadchick: imagine marrying Ed Sheeran like how beautiful would his wedding vows be
sorryforpartybarackin: “hey would you take my picture??” “sure” *hands you selfie and walks away*
snorlaxatives: *cracks knuckles and stretches for 15-20 minutes* it’s blogging time
justcallmebiden: kallascorchrazor: kallascorchrazor: if this gets above 500 notes i’ll use a horse_ebooks tweet as my senior quote
shutupaubrey: cawllin: dont me that thing is scary as hell like i’m pretty damn startled
In other news, today i forgot the word for national anthem so i said country theme songs
fruitpacks: *coughs loudly* 38 followers away from my goal Follow!!
getoffmybloghoe: it makes me uncomfortable that they dont shoot movie scenes in order
mandatoryupgrades: Anyone who thinks Shakespeare is boring apparently missed the greatest stage direction ever written: I want that to be the final line of my biography.
cokeflow: my sense of humor is almost as dry as my love life
foreveralone-lyguy: troix: foreveralone-lyguy: internetexplorers: change the world today by doing a thing How much thing? like 8 thing That’s too much thing
iceepr1ncess: literally nothing feels better than being loved by someone who hates everyone
rneerkat: pro tip: if somebody is angry at you, start crawling on the ground and lick their feet. if you can convince them that you turned into a puppy they will stop being mad at you. it is impossible to be angry at puppies
condommodel: stop being cute you live far away
yourtubes: *gets 0 notes on selfie* I’m saving myself for god anyway
School: We don't allow bullying if you bully we will fuck you up
Student: I got bullied.
School: The fuck do you want us to do about it?
dogesexual: do you type differently depending on the person you’re talking to
tentacledicks: do you ever just want to grab someone in one of your classes and pull their face close and whisper “I am ten times smarter than you will ever be, your opinions are both ill-informed and unoriginal, the career path you are headed on is so overdosed with barely competent imbeciles like you that you will be incapable of finding a job, and incidentally your shoes are clashing with...
bitch-i-might-be-hannibal: whatsgoingon12: riddlemehiddleston: things that say a lot about a person their favourite character the lyrics they write on their hands the colours they wear which murder weapon they prefer how they make their tea .wait i knew something wasn’t right here who the hell writes lyrics on their hands
worcaholics: next time someone gives u a compliment and u dont know how to react jsut be like “thx its always nice to hear from the fans”
snapchatting: my life would probably get 2 notes
moondoggiestyle: its weird, like.. its never tomorrow… its always today